The Summer's Almost Over, We're Running Out Of Time

It's been three weeks since you said you wanted this..why am i still waiting?

you've no doubt changed your mind. there's no reason for this.

either i'm being played or you're happy where we are

if you wanted to be with me you would. right?

The Streets Are In Distress

I was so spoiled this weekend. I got to see her two nights in a row. I love the way she does such little things that make me feel so loved, and so happy.

the only downside is i feel hollow and alone at this point...i get used to her shadow, her voice, her eyes. It's like part of me is missing when she's gone. It's pretty bad haha

She's got some things going on with herself that i WISH i could fix, but i know there's nothing i can do but stand by her and keep her mind off it while she deals with it. I've to be supportive for her, even though seeing her distraught over it absolutely kills me.

Blew my turbo this weekend. epic. new joint should be here soon.

i'm so very on top of the world right now, i can't even begin to describe it. i'm so very in love and i don't want anything to change but the frequency in which i spend time with this girl. she keeps me sane, she keeps me balanced.

They Say that Love is Forever

I just read the most devastating thing I've ever read and I'm not even sure what the fuck it means.

if you're going to break my heart, please do it now, and just get it over with...

I'm terrified to see what happens tonight.

baby, take your time

so much is happening lately i can't control.

there's no hope of the s13 being ready for H20. i'm devastated. Looks like i'll be driving the Mitsubishi down. Hope all goes well.


I stayed over her house monday night and it was amazing. we went out for a quick drive, laughed a lot, i helped her with the animals best i could, i've no experience in the matter. you know what happened later and know it was the most amazing thing ever. i can't believe it finally happened. god damnit i'm in love.

i've been so grumpy lately, so miserable. unless im with her

i hope this stops. she keeps me smiling, that's all i have to be happy. and i'm so incredibly happy when im with her it's insane.

a reason for broken wings

so, Guido and Perry helped me fix the Mitsubishi last night.

i'm the happiest I've been automotive-ly in a long while. the best thing to come out of this was the desperation that caused me to slam a lot of the S13 together the end of august. I've only got a few more things to do, though one of which is wiring which honestly scares the bejesus out of me. I hate electrical shit. It''s terrifying. Ah well.

So I got a bit drunk the other day, and confessed everything i feel for this girl. everything went better than expected. i feel good getting it out there, and she said some things that truly give me hope.

my life is like a terrible movie. it's stuck on repeat.

i cannot wait for H20i, or the s13 to be done, or even to see her tonight.

on top of the world.

there's a reason we have second thoughts

so. a lot has happened since i last talked to myself.

the mitsubishi has caught on fire. it's sitting at the mobil waiting to be fixed. two weeks without a car. killing me.

the lexus is still broken as all hell, but i have been saving up in an effort to bring it back on the road. i actually miss that toilet.

i have been putting over time into the nissan. got almost all of the body work done. just down to some final sanding and priming. i almost can't even contain myself.

i've been slipping more and more away from the happy, no fucks given attitude i usually have to some sort of soft mushy emotional person. i think the reason is i've hit a stalemate in my life. i'm getting older and still acting like a teenager. I want so desperately to grow up, find love and be an adult.

speaking of love. i found it, she hasn't. i wonder when she's going to find someone else? or decide this sin't working for her anymore? i feel like it'll be soon. who the hell knows.

i just know, the minute she's gone is the same minute i stop breathing.

so won't you kill me?

I've been feeling stressed lately over the S13. Not good, I just want it done, but it's been so hot out lately
I can't bring myself into the garage to work on it. A few nights this week I will.

She's been absolutely wonderful lately. We hung out friday night, and though I really wanted her to stay over she couldn't. We held hands in public, which makes me feel like a little kid, and I love the way she lets me steal kisses at red lights. It's the cutest thing ever. No I take that back, when I jokingly punch her in the face and she kisses my hand, THAT is the cutest thing ever and it melts my black ice-heart. I really want this girl.
She makes me feel alive. She's adorable. she's smart, she's funny, she's everything I need. Unless she tells me she'll "destroy my life" which has me all confused and worried. the fuck does that mean?

time will tell I guess

So Wrong It's Right

is it wrong to want nothing more than to leave and be with you? you're looking so good now, I can't keep my eyes off of you. My hands might wander all over you, but please know this isn't lust. It's a love so deep I can't control myself. I want to be with you. Unconditionally and forever. You might not feel anything, hell you can't, but just know I've spent so much time and money on you to make you everything I've ever wanted. We're so close to finally being together again and I'm losing my thoughts on what we'll do and where we'll go together. <3 S13

The Sad Truth

I will never give up on you. I want you to know that.

nothing is more perfect than failure

dear jealousy;

get the fuck out of my life. frankly there's no room here for you and i prefer to not feel
like this ever. you are trying to ruin everything and i don't appreciate it.

sincerely, Justin.


yesterday was one of the best days i've had. I picked her up at 11, and didn't
say goodbye til 8. it's insane how even that much time with her feels short.
I honestly held her hand the entire time, save for a few shifting requirements but
she always held her hand out waiting for me to come back. I honestly feel like
this might work out, which scares me. I'm not one for relationships, and i really
don't want to be in one, but it's pointless to fight it. It was that sappy love at first sight
like from a shitty movie, but i'm not 100% sure of her feelings. How can i be?
i'm not a mind reader. She always catches me looking at her, and a few times she looked
back. Every time our eyes met, i lost control just a little bit more. the way she looks at me
is the only thing keeping me going. Like i've told her, i know she'd never date me, she'll
never be with me. This will blow up long before we get there, because i'm impatient and
not very good at waiting, but honestly, everything feels so perfect and just makes so much sense
when i'm with her. But sadly, just because i've found the one does NOT mean she has.
Even if she jokes about us being soulmates, it's not funny to me, i honestly believe it.

We'll just keep pressing forward, fingers crossed, hell...hope for the best. I've got nothing but
time to wait. Hopefully she sees the way i feel...

to be completely honest, i just can't lose her. friend or otherwise. we were friends first anyway.

just a quick note to remind you how awesome last night and today are going to be. things feel back to normal with her which is awesome. i'm so excited you don't even know. i don't i mean

The Things I Fear the Most

Supposed to see her tonight, but things have been off lately. Her texts are short and not as frequent as they used to be. somethings gotta be going on or wrong. it usually does. remember to keep strong tonight, if she doesn't blow you off. i really think she will though. i can feel it in my gut. BUT, keep strong, don't take her hand, let her take yours. don't fucking kiss her. let her kiss you. This is starting to kill me, i just want to make
her happy. i know i can. All she has to do is let go of whatever it is that's holding her back

which brings me to my next thought. what the fuck does she see in me? is it even anything? or is it just because i'm there, and she knows i can keep a secret. The way she squeezes into me when i hold her, or the way she holds my hand tight tells me she wants this to be something, but her actions and lack of words confuse the fuck out of me.

she never says i love you to me anymore, i've got to say it first. she never even sends me text message hearts or smiliey faces anymore.this is going to end soon, isn't it?

:\

if loving is losing, i'm the worlds worst.

Although no one reads this, and this is just for me to vent,
I deleted all the old posts and am starting over.

The S13 is killing me, it's been a long road and I'm losing a lot of hope on it
I've been trying to stay focused, but I'm afraid to sacrifice my social life for it.
One of the biggest things pushing me is her. She hasn't seemed excited about it in
a while, but it used to be a daily push to get it done so we could ride around aimlessly.
Now I feel like there's just no hope in it anymore. It's hard to want to get back into
something you gave everything to, just to have it stab you in the back. fuck you, 180.

My music taste has been changing lately, too much Mayday and I See Stars, I feel
it's been keeping me down. It's hard to not want to listen to it though, as it helped me through
so much and brings back such good memories.

Speaking of life and hard times, I'm losing it, but you know that, as I'm talking to myself.
I need some sort of sign that this is real. I feel like...this is just because I'm there, not because
It's what is MEANT to be. Which is troubling. Those three words mean a lot to me, because I
haven't actually meant it in a long long time. I know this is really going to hurt. I know it's
coming soon because my patience level is non-existent. I just hope I get the 180 done long
before you crush me, because I know when it happens I'll give up on everything. I have no doubt in my mind...I will literally die. And not figuratively. I will die.

Get your fucking head straight, stupid. ^ remember this? remember how happy you were? suck it up and go back to that day. Everything was so right.