So Wrong It's Right

is it wrong to want nothing more than to leave and be with you? you're looking so good now, I can't keep my eyes off of you. My hands might wander all over you, but please know this isn't lust. It's a love so deep I can't control myself. I want to be with you. Unconditionally and forever. You might not feel anything, hell you can't, but just know I've spent so much time and money on you to make you everything I've ever wanted. We're so close to finally being together again and I'm losing my thoughts on what we'll do and where we'll go together. <3 S13

The Sad Truth

I will never give up on you. I want you to know that.

nothing is more perfect than failure

dear jealousy;

get the fuck out of my life. frankly there's no room here for you and i prefer to not feel
like this ever. you are trying to ruin everything and i don't appreciate it.

sincerely, Justin.


yesterday was one of the best days i've had. I picked her up at 11, and didn't
say goodbye til 8. it's insane how even that much time with her feels short.
I honestly held her hand the entire time, save for a few shifting requirements but
she always held her hand out waiting for me to come back. I honestly feel like
this might work out, which scares me. I'm not one for relationships, and i really
don't want to be in one, but it's pointless to fight it. It was that sappy love at first sight
like from a shitty movie, but i'm not 100% sure of her feelings. How can i be?
i'm not a mind reader. She always catches me looking at her, and a few times she looked
back. Every time our eyes met, i lost control just a little bit more. the way she looks at me
is the only thing keeping me going. Like i've told her, i know she'd never date me, she'll
never be with me. This will blow up long before we get there, because i'm impatient and
not very good at waiting, but honestly, everything feels so perfect and just makes so much sense
when i'm with her. But sadly, just because i've found the one does NOT mean she has.
Even if she jokes about us being soulmates, it's not funny to me, i honestly believe it.

We'll just keep pressing forward, fingers crossed, hell...hope for the best. I've got nothing but
time to wait. Hopefully she sees the way i feel...

to be completely honest, i just can't lose her. friend or otherwise. we were friends first anyway.

just a quick note to remind you how awesome last night and today are going to be. things feel back to normal with her which is awesome. i'm so excited you don't even know. i don't i mean

The Things I Fear the Most

Supposed to see her tonight, but things have been off lately. Her texts are short and not as frequent as they used to be. somethings gotta be going on or wrong. it usually does. remember to keep strong tonight, if she doesn't blow you off. i really think she will though. i can feel it in my gut. BUT, keep strong, don't take her hand, let her take yours. don't fucking kiss her. let her kiss you. This is starting to kill me, i just want to make
her happy. i know i can. All she has to do is let go of whatever it is that's holding her back

which brings me to my next thought. what the fuck does she see in me? is it even anything? or is it just because i'm there, and she knows i can keep a secret. The way she squeezes into me when i hold her, or the way she holds my hand tight tells me she wants this to be something, but her actions and lack of words confuse the fuck out of me.

she never says i love you to me anymore, i've got to say it first. she never even sends me text message hearts or smiliey faces anymore.this is going to end soon, isn't it?

:\

if loving is losing, i'm the worlds worst.

Although no one reads this, and this is just for me to vent,
I deleted all the old posts and am starting over.

The S13 is killing me, it's been a long road and I'm losing a lot of hope on it
I've been trying to stay focused, but I'm afraid to sacrifice my social life for it.
One of the biggest things pushing me is her. She hasn't seemed excited about it in
a while, but it used to be a daily push to get it done so we could ride around aimlessly.
Now I feel like there's just no hope in it anymore. It's hard to want to get back into
something you gave everything to, just to have it stab you in the back. fuck you, 180.

My music taste has been changing lately, too much Mayday and I See Stars, I feel
it's been keeping me down. It's hard to not want to listen to it though, as it helped me through
so much and brings back such good memories.

Speaking of life and hard times, I'm losing it, but you know that, as I'm talking to myself.
I need some sort of sign that this is real. I feel like...this is just because I'm there, not because
It's what is MEANT to be. Which is troubling. Those three words mean a lot to me, because I
haven't actually meant it in a long long time. I know this is really going to hurt. I know it's
coming soon because my patience level is non-existent. I just hope I get the 180 done long
before you crush me, because I know when it happens I'll give up on everything. I have no doubt in my mind...I will literally die. And not figuratively. I will die.

Get your fucking head straight, stupid. ^ remember this? remember how happy you were? suck it up and go back to that day. Everything was so right.