there's a reason we have second thoughts

so. a lot has happened since i last talked to myself.

the mitsubishi has caught on fire. it's sitting at the mobil waiting to be fixed. two weeks without a car. killing me.

the lexus is still broken as all hell, but i have been saving up in an effort to bring it back on the road. i actually miss that toilet.

i have been putting over time into the nissan. got almost all of the body work done. just down to some final sanding and priming. i almost can't even contain myself.

i've been slipping more and more away from the happy, no fucks given attitude i usually have to some sort of soft mushy emotional person. i think the reason is i've hit a stalemate in my life. i'm getting older and still acting like a teenager. I want so desperately to grow up, find love and be an adult.

speaking of love. i found it, she hasn't. i wonder when she's going to find someone else? or decide this sin't working for her anymore? i feel like it'll be soon. who the hell knows.

i just know, the minute she's gone is the same minute i stop breathing.

so won't you kill me?

I've been feeling stressed lately over the S13. Not good, I just want it done, but it's been so hot out lately
I can't bring myself into the garage to work on it. A few nights this week I will.

She's been absolutely wonderful lately. We hung out friday night, and though I really wanted her to stay over she couldn't. We held hands in public, which makes me feel like a little kid, and I love the way she lets me steal kisses at red lights. It's the cutest thing ever. No I take that back, when I jokingly punch her in the face and she kisses my hand, THAT is the cutest thing ever and it melts my black ice-heart. I really want this girl.
She makes me feel alive. She's adorable. she's smart, she's funny, she's everything I need. Unless she tells me she'll "destroy my life" which has me all confused and worried. the fuck does that mean?

time will tell I guess